2009-02-20 16:02:11 UTC
In total i probably work out for like 2 hours a day, then maybe i eat a 1/4 of dinner rather than what normal people consume, usually i don't eat lunch and sometimes i can get away without eating dinner at all. Food scares me, i see food as fat, my entire family is overweight, and on the verge of being obese, it terrifies me. Ever since i was little i promised myself that i would do anything and everything to make sure i wouldn't end up like them. I have tried to throw up my food, that scared me as well, i can't anyway, im defective or something. since august i have been kind of anorexic, but i somewhat realize that and am trying to eat, it's just really hard, i don't want my body to go into starvation mode.
Yes i am depressed, because of my crappy school. Anyway please no lectures, just some nice advice.
Today i sat in front of the fridge and picked up food but was not able to put it in my mouth. I ended up crying for like 15 minutes. Every time i find a reason to eat i find an excuse to not eat the food, even if it's celery.