Why do men give women unsolicited advice at the gym? (Especially when women do dead lifts/squats/etc)?

Question

So I'm just minding my own business last week with my headphones in, and two random men came up to me at different times to instruct me that I was doing my dead lift wrong. One guy told me I needed to bend lower, and another told me I was doing the wrong kind of dead lift for my goals as a woman. I was doing a conventional BB dead lift, and he told me I should be doing Romanians instead. Then he told me I was lifing too heavy.

I finally hit a new PR of 170 the other week, and I tend to lift 135 for my weekly sets. According to a few friends, my form is decent. My back tends to round at times because the weight is a struggle for me, but it's not rounded in a way that would cause injury. I'm generally good at keeping my back straight.

What is the deal with men who approach women in the gym and instruct them how to lift? It made me feel so dumb, and I just put the weights back up and went in the corner to finish my routine because I felt like they were watching if I was going to take their advice or not.

Why does this happen, and how can one politely refuse advice?

Answer 1

Ask him if he is NASM or NCSA certified and where his degree in kinesiology is from. If he does not have either of those two credentials, put your ear buds back in and continue lifting. No further engagement required.



You might consider looking into a more hardcore independent gym. It sounds like you are interested in moving some heavy goddamn weights. If that is the case, an independent gym is the place to go. You are still going to be getting advice, but its going to be advice from dudes who are pulling 5,6,700 pounds.



Congrats on that 170 pull, keep it up!

Answer 2

This is quite an interesting story. I will mention why after addressing your questions.



Don't let them get to you. They have NO idea what your goals are. In terms of your back rounding, you really don't want it to round at all. It doesn't take much to cause injury. I know a guy who can bench press 400 lbs, but when he lifted a small couch, he torn his bicep clean off the bone....so you always want to be aware of your technique, as you are because you mentioned your back tends to do that. A good rule to have is once your technique breaks down, end the set right there. It's possible you may never get hurt, but especially with squats, dead lifts of any kind, and any other heavy duty exercises, you always want to have good posture throughout. Those are dangerous exercises even with perfect posture.



Anyhow, many guys do it because they feel as though weight lifting is a "guy thing" because traditionally before much was known about fitness, men lifted weights, and women went walking. So some guys still have that thought that males are superior in the knowledge of weight training...even if they have no formal training on the subject! Some guys may do it as an ice breaker. It provides them with an open door to talk to you. This is what has me hesitant about joining a gym here in Nashville, because I can't stand when people always want to put in their two sense. I am like what one of the previous persons replied with, about feeling as though you have the obligation to. Many people who have a thorough education in fitness feel as though they always have to say something, because fitness is their life.



Here's the interesting part. Most guys, especially the gym rats don't know what they are talking about. Their education may have only come from others in the gym, and muscle magazine. I'd say at least 60% of men, and I'm estimating, who perform squats, dead lifts, and power cleans should not even be performing those exercises, because they do not have the range of motion in the joints to perform the exercise properly.



When I'm in the situation, I just say, oh okay, thank you. That way they are satisfied you listened, and you can just continue doing what you do.

Answer 3

Well, I go to a gym which is men's only (yeah, it's a sausage fest :( ), but my 2 cents:



When a guy told you to do RDL instead of normal DL - tell him to go screw himself... But if you want to be polite, tell him that you know what RDLs are and that you are doing Deadlifts on purpose.



As for form corrections - I don't know. I personally have given advice and have been given advice on form. I appreciate it GREATLY. Hell, occasionally I ask a stranger to comment on form. Reason for that is simple - things like Squats,deadlifts and bb rows are all very good lifts, but they are also dangerous if your form is lacking.



So when I saw a guy last week(clearly new to lifting) rounding his back like crazy on deadlifts and not putting down the weight - I think i would be VERY irresponsible of me not to say anything.

I politely came up to him and told him how to improve. He thanked me and continued with much better form.





Anywya, to avoid it in the future



1) You will get better (if you are not there already) and they won't be able to comment on your form

2) When they tell you RDL>DL. Be brief and say something like "No, I am doing normal deadlifts, I do RDL on other days".

Bottom line, be brief, show that you have knowledge and they won't approach you.



As for reasons why they do, you are a smart gal, I am sure you can work it out :P

Answer 4

F* ckin di* ckheads! Women can have same goals as men! Romanian deadlifts work your hamstrings and glutes more. Many women want a better looking butt so maybe that's why those j* rks told you to do RDLs. If you cannot maintain proper form, lower the weight. If those men ever come up to you again, tell them you know your goals and what you're doing and that they can go p* ss the f*ck off!



Alright, to be polite... hmm... nah you can't, just be a b* tch and ignore them, then they won't mess with you again.

Answer 5

People (men included) like to feel like they are knowledgeable and can help others- especially when that person is an attractive woman. It's an easy way to socialize without being too awkward. Also, I cringe at the gym when i see someone doing something improper/dangerous. When I was a personal trainer I used to love the teaching aspect of my job.



My (unsolicited) advice? smile and say thanks. Or even better, if they're not very muscular, ask why you should take advice from someone who doesn't look strong/athletic- with a smile on your face. :) Or say your trainer told you not to take advice from you. Humor always works best and allows you to gracefully shoo them away.



Congrats on your new personal record!

Answer 6

it happens because some men can not imagine that you don't want their advice.



refuse?

i think just put your earphones back on, and keep doing what you were doing.



you could say, "I will l discuss your advice with my trainer. I am returning to my routine now. good bye."